Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Covering Up Scars

I've got things on my body that I'm not happy about, not proud of. I also have three school balls this year that I'm feeling pretty stressed about as is with my POTS flaring.

I've had to do a lot of thinking about whether I want to show my scars and embrace who I am (fuck what everyone else thinks) or whether I should take the more modest, more appropriate route and cover them up.

I've decided to be modest for one last year. One last year of covering up the scars, one last year of hiding my past, one last year of stunted growth, and next year I'm going to wear whatever the hell I want, because why not?

Not gonna lie, it scares the shit out of me showing my arms at the moment, showing my scars and all of my mistakes in public. But I need to learn to embrace my insecurities, either ignoring them or working with them to accentuate the things I love about myself, and eventually the insecurity won't have such a strong power over me. They won't fade away, but they won't hinder me either.

Saying that, there's a time and place for everything, and my last year of high school is not the best place to bare it all - I already get enough strange looks for being the sick girl, I don't need even more for being the sick girl who's covered in scars too.

Next year - first year of uni, first year embracing me - I'm so ready.

Have a great day!

Sunday, 27 July 2014

Long Time No See


It's been a while since I posted on here. Honestly I just became overwhelmed with school, all of the responsibilities that I have to undertake if I want to make it into university next year, as well as making these huge decisions about what I want to do there. It's just really stressful, and I've never been the best at coping with stress. Something to improve on.

So the past three weeks of my life have been school holidays, which has been really nice. Three weeks to just slow down, take a deep breath, and spend time with the people I love. And also try to catch up on some schoolwork - I feel like there's no time for me to relax at the moment if I want to meet the university requirements. I have to remind myself everyday not to run myself down too much or else anything next year beyond my bed will be off the table.

I've been thinking a lot about my place in the world recently. With all my stress at the moment it's made insecurities come to the surface, and I've been trying to cope with them in positive ways as much as I can, but it's tough. I find myself insanely jealous of people who know what they want to do with their life, while I'm sitting here applying for three different degrees and two different universities because I have no clue. I feel like I need some time to myself,  to figure out who I really am, but I don't know how to do it. It's scary to take that leap sometimes.

Anyway, enough rambling! I am excited to get back into blogging, so watch this space.

Have a great day,