R.I.P.

Hearing yesterday that Robin Williams had died from suspected suicide wasn't a massive hit to my life at first. I thought it was terrible, while visions of Jumanji ran through my head, and then continued stacking the dishwasher. It was once I'd logged on to social media and saw everyone talk about all of the amazing things that he had accomplished and how he had changed people's lives that it really hit me; this was a man who had made fantastic movies that made people laugh and cry and feel something real throughout his life, why did he choose to end it?

I suppose that's the point, though - people with depression don't choose, it just happens. They can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, they can't see a point to their lives. I recently read a book by Viktor Frankl, (Man's Search For Meaning) and it was all about how people find a way to survive if they have something to live for. It was what helped himself get through the holocaust.

And now that I think about it, it's true for me too. I attempted suicide earlier this year - one of the blackest times of my life. I didn't feel like there was anything to live for, that nothing was going right and nothing was ever going to be right. I couldn't see the love and support that I was getting from the people around me. It took an attempted overdose to realise that I have so much left to accomplish, so much more love to give. Now when I'm feeling down, I tell someone about it. I don't want to take the easy way out.

This blog post is a bit all over the place. And a bit scary to post. I've been feeling a bit down and my head's been spinning, I needed a place to vent. It's always better to talk than to keep it all bottled up inside.

R.I.P. Robin Williams.

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Hall Time

It's that time of year - time to apply for university halls of residence. In a weird way this is more daunting than applying for the actual university.

Applying for halls in New Zealand seems easy, until you get to the bit where they ask why you think you should be admitted. I hate answering questions like that, because there's no way you can write a convincing argument without seeming like you have a ginormous ego. Not only that, but what can I contribute to the dorm community when I spend 80% of my life dizzy in bed? That's when you have to make up bullshit about how you push through it all, even though it feels like you're lying through your teeth.

Part of the application asks about what you've accomplished over the years academically, culturally, and leadership-ally. I whipped out all my school reports, all of my certificates and awards that Mum's  been hoarding for years. And it was depressing. Seeing how POTS has directly affected my life, and not being able to avoid it... it's hard. Seeing how much I used to accomplish, and watching it dwindle year after year until you have no academic achievements or leadership positions this year just sucks.

Anyway, after two hours of filling in forms, I've handed it in. Now just waiting for the gods (a.k.a. University Admission Board) to decide.

Anyone else applying for uni this year?

Hope you have a great day!
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Coaster Love

My Mum's birthday is coming up on the 26th, so I've been experiencing the annual conundrum of what to get her for a gift. Until I was browsing Anthropologie, and I came across some gorgeous coasters. I know what you're thinking - really, Bridget? Coasters? (That's certainly what my boyfriend said). But these are a whole new level. I love the crystal design, and the colour range is fantastic, so I knew I'd find one of Mum's favourites. I had to snatch them up. (And I was impressed with super fast shipping to NZ!)

Kind of random, I know. But if you're looking for a great gift to buy a member of the fam or a friend, these coasters are definitely something to look at. 

Hope you have a great day!

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Book Favourites #1

If you know me, then you know that I LOVE to read. It is one of my favourite past times, I find it relaxing and exciting and sometimes life changing, when I come across something particularly special. So I thought I'd start a series on my blog, where each month I go over the best books that I read from the previous month. Hope you enjoy!

Memoirs Of An Imaginary Friend by Matthew Green
Wow. Wow wow wow. I loved this book so much. The premise is that a boy has an imaginary friend, who then has to save the boy when he disappears. It is such an amazing book, that really makes you think, along with lots of comedy. It might sound a bit immature, but I found it incredible. Definitely one to recommend.
You can find a link to it on Amazon here.

I Am Malala by Malala Yousafzai
This is an inspirational novel about a girl who was shot by the Taliban for standing up for women's rights and education. Malala is an incredible woman, having accomplished so much while still being the same age as me. It shows the importance of standing up for what you believe in, as well as the difference that one person can make when they are passionate and vocal. You can find a link to it on Amazon here.

Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman
Gaiman, you've done it again. A fantasy novel about the underside of London, I found this such an enjoyable read with lots of twists and turns along the way. Even if you're not a fantasy reader, I think this would be one to browse just for the phenomenal writing throughout. You can find a link to it on Amazon here.

Hollow City by Ransom Riggs
This is the sequel to 'Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children' - another great book - and this sequel is an excellent follow through. The book is written alongside photographs which are showed every few pages, which really helps the reader to visualise and find themselves in this peculiar world. If you've read the first one, I'd definitely recommend the sequel. If you're looking for a new series to dive into, this is it. You can find a link to it on Amazon here.

The Man Who Couldn't Stop by David Adam
If you're interested in psychology, you've come to the right place. This book is sll about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) - its history, challenges, variety, and how debilitating it can be, as well as ideas on how to overcome the condition. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, especially the examples of people who have OCD along the way - from the beginning you realise that OCD isn't just about people who compulsively wash their hands, but so much more. Probably my favourite of the month. You can find a link to it on Amazon here.

So there you go! A mix of non-fiction and fantasy this month for the favourites, and they were all excellent books that I'd highly recommend.

What was the best book you read last month? Or your favourite book in general?

Hope you have a great day!
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Covering Up Scars

I've got things on my body that I'm not happy about, not proud of. I also have three school balls this year that I'm feeling pretty stressed about as is with my POTS flaring.

I've had to do a lot of thinking about whether I want to show my scars and embrace who I am (fuck what everyone else thinks) or whether I should take the more modest, more appropriate route and cover them up.

I've decided to be modest for one last year. One last year of covering up the scars, one last year of hiding my past, one last year of stunted growth, and next year I'm going to wear whatever the hell I want, because why not?

Not gonna lie, it scares the shit out of me showing my arms at the moment, showing my scars and all of my mistakes in public. But I need to learn to embrace my insecurities, either ignoring them or working with them to accentuate the things I love about myself, and eventually the insecurity won't have such a strong power over me. They won't fade away, but they won't hinder me either.

Saying that, there's a time and place for everything, and my last year of high school is not the best place to bare it all - I already get enough strange looks for being the sick girl, I don't need even more for being the sick girl who's covered in scars too.

Next year - first year of uni, first year embracing me - I'm so ready.

Have a great day!
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Long Time No See

Hello!

It's been a while since I posted on here. Honestly I just became overwhelmed with school, all of the responsibilities that I have to undertake if I want to make it into university next year, as well as making these huge decisions about what I want to do there. It's just really stressful, and I've never been the best at coping with stress. Something to improve on.

So the past three weeks of my life have been school holidays, which has been really nice. Three weeks to just slow down, take a deep breath, and spend time with the people I love. And also try to catch up on some schoolwork - I feel like there's no time for me to relax at the moment if I want to meet the university requirements. I have to remind myself everyday not to run myself down too much or else anything next year beyond my bed will be off the table.

I've been thinking a lot about my place in the world recently. With all my stress at the moment it's made insecurities come to the surface, and I've been trying to cope with them in positive ways as much as I can, but it's tough. I find myself insanely jealous of people who know what they want to do with their life, while I'm sitting here applying for three different degrees and two different universities because I have no clue. I feel like I need some time to myself,  to figure out who I really am, but I don't know how to do it. It's scary to take that leap sometimes.

Anyway, enough rambling! I am excited to get back into blogging, so watch this space.

Have a great day,
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Cooking Fails

I've come to the conclusion that I CAN'T COOK. Cookies turn out dry, cupcakes are overmixed, meat is either too raw to eat or so overcooked it's not pleasant. And it sucks, because I love to cook! It's relaxing, it doesn't take too much effort, and it's a great excuse to dance around my kitchen singing along to the radio. And if I get dizzy, or headache-y I can usually just take a break before getting back into it. It would be a win win, if the food ends up decent. But usually it gets a couple of bites out of it before being tossed.

I don't understand - my dad just finished a Cordon Bleu cooking course and my mum makes restaurant quality dinners every night. How did I miss out on the cooking gene?! But I cook anyway because hell, it's still fun even if the food wouldn't get a 10 from Pete and Manu. (MKR reference, anyone?)

Is there anything you love to do even though you suck at it? Do you know any fool-proof recipes I could attempt??

Have a great day!
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