Sunday, 14 September 2014

Falling Behind

I'm trying to do some work on my internals, because I am so far behind and have four to finish in two weeks. But I just can't think. 

I'm writing about Steven Spielberg, comparing scenes from two of his movies - one is from Saving Private Ryan, and is when Caparzo is shot for trying to save the child who reminds him of his neice. The other is from Empire of the Sun, and is at the beginning when the family is driving through the poverty-stricken city of Shanghai to attend a fancy dress party. I have to look at the two scenes and see what techniques Spielberg uses to illustrate theme and make them his own. 

It's a really straightforward internal, just a simple essay. But I can't put down into writing what's in my head, and half the time there's nothing in my head because I'm so tired. Or my head is pounding too hard.

I can't stop thinking about how the old me, the healthy me, would have found this a piece of cake. I thought I was making progress, but at the moment I'm just going through one of those times, when I wish that I was healthy and able to do simple things. 

I'll go have a lie down and try again tomorrow. 

Good luck,

Thursday, 11 September 2014


I live a lonely life. I was walking upstairs, feeling my head spin around my neck worse than usual, when I realised I haven't hung out with my friends since the ball. On the 16th. It's been practically a month, and I've become some sort of hermit.

But that's okay. I've been more sick than usual recently - stomach problems have made everything incredibly hard, and I've had to have a nap every day (sometimes two of them) because I'm so damn fatigued. I'm seeing a gastroenterologist on the 23rd, and my GP won't do anything to help because he's scared of doing something wrong. Which is fine, except for the fact that I'm in pain and my life is falling apart again.

It's awful timing, because my mock exams are on this week - practice exams for the real thing happening in October - and I've been sick for the past month, unable to study. I don't even think I'd be able to sit still in a room for three hours right now. And on top of that I haven't been able to complete my internals, so I might not get enough credits to get into university. You need 60 credits minimum, and I have 25.

I guess I've been feeling pretty down recently. I was doing well, getting better, making it to school. And all of a sudden something has come along again and hit me in the face and my life has to come to a standstill while I wait for my body to stop attacking itself. Its hard to feel good about yourself when you're constantly bloated, gaining weight and you're skin's going to shit because you haven't been able to properly eat vegetables in a month without getting severe stomach pains.

This has been a bit (understatement) of a ranty post. I'm just nervous about next year. Any suggestions on what I should do if I can't go to uni?

Good Luck,